War has many faces

The Mandarin is one of the few people who still watch the CBS evening news (when he gets home from work early enough to catch it). CBS rotates a couple of faces through its Baghdad bureau, and one of them is the excellent reporter Kimberly Dozier. Not long ago, after Bob Woodruff of ABC was wounded, the Mandarin had a premonition that something similar would happen to Ms. Dozier. Today it did.

Two members of a CBS News team, veteran cameraman Paul Douglas, 48, and soundman James Brolan, 42, were killed and correspondent Kimberly Dozier, 39, was seriously injured Monday when the Baghdad military unit in which they were embedded was attacked.

They were reporting on patrol with the 4th Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division, when their convoy was struck by a roadside bomb.

CBS News Correspondent Kimberly Dozier, 39, sustained serious injuries in the attack and underwent surgery at a U.S. military hospital in Baghdad. She is in critical condition, but doctors are cautiously optimistic about her prognosis."


Shrub has already lost the support of a majority of the nation for his crusade in the Middle East. Very few people are buying his ever-shifting line on the war any more, whether to find non-existent WMD, or to avenge Saddam's attempt to assassinate Shrub's father (the Mandarin's personal favorite), or to "spread freedom" in countries where free elections will probably result in victory for Islamic fundamentalists who hate us for our support of Israel's actions in Palestine,...

The number of military dead and wounded in Iraq is approaching 20,000. To borrow an image from President Bush (Shrub's daddy), these casualties produce "a thousand points" of outrage and grief. Those points are gradually coalescing into a national will so strong that not even Shrub can ignore it. Public reaction to casualties among well-known people like Bob Woodruff, or Pat Tilman, or now Kimberly Dozier, may also help hasten the end of Shrub's not-so-excellent adventure in Iraq.

The Mandarin is grateful for free speech (without it John Ashcroft or Alberto Gonzalez would have jailed the Mandarin a long time ago) and especially a free press. But defending our freedoms has a price, both abroad and at home - where we should always remember the wise words of Ben Franklin:

They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security.

The Mandarin wonders if old Ben had a premonition, too.

What's wrong with this picture?

One of the Mandarin's favorite loyal readers (that small, elite group) passed along this picture. The Mandarin struggled with a few sarcastic captions, but eventually decided just to let the word speak for itself.

Intelligence

1: the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations; also: the skilled use of reason

2: the ability to apply knowledge to manipulate one's environment or to think abstractly as measured by objective criteria (as tests)

3: the act of understanding

4: information concerning an enemy or possible enemy or an area; also : an agency engaged in obtaining such information

Antonyms: denseness, density, doltishness, dopiness, dullness, dumbness, fatuity, feeblemindedness, foolishness, idiocy, imbecility, senselessness, simpleness, slowness, stupidity.

A true believer breaks with Shrub

Richard Viguerie has been dubbed the "funding father" of modern conservative strategy, having pioneered important tactics in computerized direct mail strategy in the 1970s and 1980s. He is considered the direct mail titan of the right. (ex Wikipedia)

Well, at long last, Viguerie has finally had enough of Shrub's shenanigans.

The patriarch of US conservatives has urged his followers to halt their financial support of the Republican Party and start an independent movement, signaling a major political shift that could result in heavy losses for the US ruling party in upcoming elections.

Richard Viguerie, who was instrumental in cementing the winning coalitions behind Ronald Reagan in 1980 and George W. Bush in 2000, declared that conservatives were "downright fed up" with both the president and Republican-controlled Congress.

James Dobson, Patriarch of the Wingnut Christian Right has joined Viguerie and is singing the same tune:

"There is a growing feeling among conservatives that the only way to cure the problem is for Republicans to lose the Congressional elections this fall," said Richard Viguerie, a conservative direct-mail pioneer

Mr. Viguerie also cited dissatisfaction with government spending, the war in Iraq and the immigration-policy debate…. "I can't tell you how much anger there is at the Republican leadership," Mr. Viguerie said. "I have never seen anything like it."

In the last several weeks, Dr. James C. Dobson, founder of Focus on the Family and one of the most influential Christian conservatives, has publicly accused Republican leaders of betraying the social conservatives who helped elect them in 2004. He has also warned in private meetings with about a dozen of the top Republicans in Washington that he may turn critic this fall unless the party delivers on conservative goals.

The Mandarin feels their pain. The real conservatives deserve their own political movement, and if that means seceding from the Bush-Cheney-Schwarzenegger-Giuliani Republicans, forming a third party and giving Congress back to the Democrats in 2006, well, sometimes you have to break eggs to make an omelet (or should the Mandarin have said "egg foo yung" 芙蓉蛋?)

And how about that Al Gore? We're talking tanned, rested and ready. He was elected President once, so the second time should be a piece of cake. Especially with people like Viguerie and Dobson sitting on their hands, or supporting fellow wingnut Tom Tancredo in a right-wing splinter party in 2008.

I guess I'll have to call this blog "The English"

The Senate has voted to make English,... well, it got a little confusing:

The Senate first voted 63-34 to make English the national language after lawmakers who led the effort said it would promote national unity.

But critics argued the move would prevent limited English speakers from getting language assistance required by an executive order enacted under President Clinton. So the Senate also voted 58-39 to make English the nation's "common and unifying language."

Well, whichever, I guess the national melting pot, or ethnic salad, or whataver you prefer, may be getting a little blander.

Perhaps the first step will need to be translating all those foreign words on restaurant menus into English. Somehow "sauce" for salsa and "stir-fried leftovers" for chop suey just don't have that,... je ne sais quoi.


UPDATE: Stop the presses! El arbusto se opone a declarar inglés la lengua nacional. Or, perhaps the Mandarin should say: 灌木反對宣稱英語為國家語言. But, on second thought, maybe he opposes it because he's not fluent in English?

Great Moments in Presidential Ventriloquism

Dick Cheney has broken new ground in the highly specialized field of political ventriloquism. Some ventriloquists amaze audiences by throwing their voices while drinking water or smoking a cigarette. In his never-before-seen photo, Cheney has actually introduced two unprecedented innovations: 1) he has taken his left arm and hand completely out of the socket in Shrub's back, and 2) he is actually throwing his voice while sleeping.

Until now, when Cheney dozed off at Cabinet meetings, the others present had to endure extended pauses in Shrub's remarks until someone reached over and poked Cheney to wake him up. Now, it appears those days are over.

Talk about raising the bar! The Mandarin can only imagine what wonders are still to come from this circus act....


Original photo caption: U.S. President George W. Bush speaks during a meeting about the situation in Iraq with current and former U.S. secretaries of state and defense at the White House in Washington May 12, 2006. From left are Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, Vice President Dick Cheney, Bush and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque

The old 80/20 rule

Shrub's approval rating has sunk to 29%, so can the reverse of the 80/20 rule be far off now, a 20% approval rating?

Even at 29%, it means he is even losing part of the faithful bedrock: fiscal small government conservatives (what we used to call "Republicans") and the nutcase Christian right (what we used to call "the nutcase Christian right") who combined with five Supreme Court justices and Katherine Harris to put him in the White House in the first place.

The Mandarin was magically reading Karl Rove's mind last night during one of the commercial breaks on the "Colbert Report," and -- you're reading it here first -- he learned what Karl is cooking up for 2008. The plan now is in three steps. First, Dick Cheney will resign this year for health reasons and devote himself to the cause of homeless victims of hunting accidents. Second, Shrub will nominate his brother Jeb as Vice President. Third, (and shhh.... Shrub doesn't know this part yet) Shrub will be persuaded to resign ("abdicate"?) in Jeb's favor, thus setting up the battle of the titans in 2008: incumbent President Bush III vs. challenger Clinton II.

Actually, the Mandarin isn't sure what Rove was smoking at the time, but the odds of that happening are about, what... 20/80?


Original photo caption: US President George W. Bush, pictured here late on 11 May 2006 steping off Air Force One under stormy skies, according to a recent poll, only 29 percent of Americans now believe he is doing a good job.(AFP/File/Paul Richards)

Sometimes the Mandarin thinks news photographers do this on purpose

Creative cropping, that is. I'm sure the Shrubbites thought this one was funny.

Can we get some completely new candidates this time?

Original photo caption: U.S. Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) discusses the negative impact of the Bush/Enzi health bill and women's access to contraception and abortion prevention efforts while at a news conference in the U.S. Capitol in Washington, May 10, 2006.

Slow News Day

The Mandarin is under the weather for a few days, but couldn't resist sharing another "Curious George" shot.

Original photo caption: President Bush shakes hands after delivering a speech about taxes and spending to the American Council of Engineering Companies meeting on Wednesday, May 3, 2006 in Washington. (AP Photo/Evan Vucci)

Colbert Rapport

The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.

Steven Colbert is a national treasure. Here is a complete transcript of Colbert's roasting of Shrub (who was seated a few feet from the podium) at the White House Correspondent's Dinner. If Shrub knew who Queen Victoria was, he might have said, "we are not amused."

Original photo caption: President Bush listens to a speaker during the White House Correspondents' Association's 92nd annual awards dinner, Saturday, April 29, 2006, in Washington. (AP Photo/Haraz N. Ghanbari)

UPDATE: Links to the video have come and gone, but here is one on Google Video endorsed by C-Cpan, so it should stay up.

Keep it simple, stupid....

The Mandarin is sure now that Treasury Secretary (John) Snow is about to be fired.

Reason?

Shrub's new Press Secretary is Fox News talking head Tony Snow. As part of new Chief-of-Staff Josh Bolten's mission to streamline the White House staff, the Mandarin is certain he won't want to confuse Shrub by having two people working there with the same last name.

Original photo caption: Tony Snow smiles as he is introduced by President Bush as his new Press Secretary in the Brady Press Briefing Room of the White House in Washington Wednesday, April 26, 2006. (AP Photo/Gerald Herbert)

UPDATE: Courtesy of Think Progress, here is a digest of some of (Tony) Snow's recent comments about Shrub. Hint: the word "incompetent" does appear once or twice....

Comrade Hu is on first base

Back in the dim ages of 1982-3, the Mandarin was a baby banker living in Hong Kong. One of his projects on that tour was to organize and help present a bilingual two-day seminar in Peking on energy project finance lending for the China National Offshore Oil Company ("CNOOC" or "see-nook") and the Bank of China Second Credit Department - their project lending unit. The Treasurer of CNOOC was Mr. Xu 徐 and the head of the Second Credit Department was Mr. Hu 胡. Let's call my boss Bruce (that was his name).

Bruce was based in Chicago, and had never been to China. So one of the Mandarin's tasks was to brief Bruce on protocol for Chinese-style meetings, and to give him capsule bios of the senior Chinese-side officials. Like many Americans, Bruce was having trouble with the pronunciation of Chinese names. It took the Mandarin quite a while to get him to pronounce Mr. Xu's name correctly (more or less "syoo" - not "zoo"). Mr. Hu's name is pronounced as it looks ("who"), but correctly pronounced in the Mandarin second tone with a rising inflection, as if one is asking, "Who?" Bruce and I decided that he would nail it if he thought of Mr. Hu as Mr. Who?

Naturally, a variation of the Abbott and Costello bit "Who's on first?" ensued.

The Mandarin thought at the time it would have been even funnier if Bruce's surname had been Shea -- it wasn't -- because the Mandarin word for "Who?" is shei 誰, pronounced exactly as the Anglo-Irish surname Shea, in the same tone - "Shea?" So while we were doing the Hu = who? drill, the Chinese side in Peking would have been going through something like this:

A: 他是誰? [Ta shi shei? "Who is he?"]

B: 對. 他是 "Shea." [Dui. Ta shi Shea. "Correct. He is Shea."]

A: 那是我的問題 - 他是誰? [Na shi wode wenti - ta shi shei? "That 's my question, who is he?"]

B: 我已經告訴你, 他是 "Shea." [Wo yijing gaosu ni, ta shi Shea. "I already told you, he is Shea."]

and on and on and on....

In the end, at the big welcoming banquet in Peking, when the Mandarin brought Bruce up to meet Mr. Hu, saying, "Bruce, I would like to introduce you to...," Bruce interrupted with a huge smile on his face, "Mr. Who? I've really been looking forward to meeting you!"

This nostalgia attack was triggered when the Mandarin recently happened by a web page with an updating of the "Who's on first?" bit - this time featuring Shrub ("George") and his new Chief of Staff Josh Bolten, discussing various world leaders, beginning with another Mr. Who? - China's current President, Hu Jintao 胡錦濤.

Josh: Sir, as you know, this week you're being paid a visit by the leader of China.

George: Great. Lay it on me.

Josh: Hu is the new leader of China.

George: That's what I want to know.

Josh: That's what I'm telling you.

George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?

Josh: Yes.

George: I mean the fellow's name.

Josh: Hu.

George: The guy in China.

Josh: Hu.

Click here for the whole bit.


And if the co-author of the linked page is the same James Sherman who was a much younger baby banker working for Bruce in Chicago back then, hey there Jamie.

Scottie beams up

The Mandarin has been waiting for the other shoe to drop, but so far it looks like the old "deckchairs on the Titanic" routine except for the departure of long-suffering Press Secretary Scott McClellan.

Otherwise Shrub's much-anticipated White House staff clean-up, shake-up, fix-up looks more like Dorothy is still in Oz: "Scarecrow Rove, give some of your straw to Tin Man Kaplan. Cowardly Lion Rumsfeld, you're still doing a heck of a job. Toto Gonzalez, you make sure Wicked Witch Fitzgerald and his flying monkeys don't kidnap us and send us all to Munchkinland."

Toto, we're not in Kansas any more. Well, some of us aren't....

Original photo caption: White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan steps aboard Air Force One at Andrews Air Force Base near Washington, April 19, 2006. (Jason Reed/Reuters)


UPDATE: The incomparable Ann Telnaes has a slightly different "slant" on the McClellan departure - click here.

You're doin' a heck of a job, Rummy!

Secretary Rumsfeld is seen here doing his famous imitation of Ed McMahon (to Shrub's Johnny Carson doing Carnac - off camera), caught in the act of saying, "Right again, O Magnificent one!"

(Reuters) - President George W. Bush on Friday said Donald Rumsfeld has "my full support," after a number of retired generals criticized the defense secretary's handling of the Iraq war.

"Secretary Rumsfeld's energetic and steady leadership is exactly what is needed at this critical period. He has my full support and deepest appreciation," Bush said in a statement.

Several retired generals, some who led troops in the Iraq war, have accused Rumsfeld of arrogance and ignoring his field commanders and said he should resign.

"Earlier today I spoke with Don Rumsfeld about ongoing military operations in the Global War on Terror. I reiterated my strong support for his leadership during this historic and challenging time for our nation," Bush said.

Bush's own job approval ratings have slid to around the lows of his presidency due to increasing public discontent with the Iraq war.


Original photo caption: Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld speaks at a news briefing at the Pentagon in Washington April 11, 2006. (Yuri Gripas/Reuters)

Would you like fries with that?

The Mandarin bets if you asked them to hold the mayo, you could get one for under $140. They should also have a soup and sandwich special -- one of these babies plus lobster bisque topped with cognac, crème fraîche, and caviar - for maybe $200 plus tax and tip.

Original photo caption: London's most expensive sandwich, nick-named 'The MacDonald Sandwich', is seen at Selfridges in London April 10, 2006. The sandwich, which is on sale for 85 pounds ($148 dollars), contains ingredients of Wagyu beef, fresh lobe foie gras, black truffle mayonnaise, brie de meaux, rocket, red pepper and mustard confit and English plum tomatoes. REUTERS/Paul Hackett

P.S. The Mandarin is glad to see that Paul Hackett has found another job after being forced to drop out of the Democratic Senatorial race in Ohio....

What is it with trailer parks, anyway....?

The Mandarin spent most of the 1970s at graduate school in Indiana, where it seemed every tornado to hit the state during the annual tornado season hit a trailer park.

Now this:

MERCED, Calif. - Two levees broke Tuesday in California's chief agricultural region, flooding a trailer park, threatening other homes in Merced and inundating farmland near Sacramento.

Water breached a 30-foot section of levee along a creek in Merced, sending up to 18 inches of water pouring through a mobile home park, said Michael Miller, a spokesman for the Department of Water Resources.

Three trailer parks were evacuated, a total of 200 people, said Elaine Post, spokeswoman for the Merced County Office of Emergency Services.

The message is clear: God has something against manufactured housing, plain and simple. Maybe we can blame this on Tom DeLay, too.

The only question now is, "How many dominoes...?"

Well, the Hammer is gone. You can see him already starting to tilt over in the photo. Since he has been remaking the House Republican machine in his image for the last five years, the Mandarin is wondering how many more shoes are waiting to drop? And dropped shoes knocking over dominoes may be a classic mixed metapor, but the Mandarin doesn't care this itme. Pop some popcorn and turn on the news!

Original photo caption: Rep. Tom DeLay (R-TX) attends the House Republican Conference at the Hyatt Regency Chesapeake Bay in Cambridge, Maryland, in this February 10, 2006 file photo. DeLay, one of the most powerful members of Congress, is now ready to call it quits in the face of mounting legal problems and a tough reelection campaign. (Larry Downing/Reuters)

Wave "bye bye," Katherine

One of the Mandarin's favorite intelligent designs, Republican Representative Katherine Harris of Florida -- who as Florida election commissioner helped hand the state's decisive electoral votes to Shrub back in 2000 -- has been having a bit of trouble with her campaign for Senate this year. Like what, you may ask? Well, most of her staff have quit, she looks even more like an idiot than before, and her campign is in shambles. The Mandarin believes in Karma. So should she.

Original photo caption: Rep. Katherine Harris, R-Sarasota, smiles during a news conference where she announced her candidacy for U.S. Senate in this 2004 file photo. Harris' U.S. Senate campaign lost what was left of its core team on April 1, 2006 when a top adviser, campaign manager and communications director resigned. (AP Photo/Chris O'Meara, File)

Jeez, you would think he might at least recognize Arabic when he saw it....

The Mandarin is biased when it comes to studying foreign languages. After all, why so you think they call him the "Mandarin?" Anyway, one of the Mandarin's hot buttons is the sad fact that in America knowledge of, or even a rudimentary familiarity with foreign languages (except for America's unofficial second language - Spanish) seems to be dying out.

Here is an example, courtesy of Howard Kaloogian - a man who plans to run for Congress in the Mandarin's home state of California. Howard recently traveled to Baghdad (or did he?) and now he is trying to convince us that life in Baghdad is just peachy these days. He wants us to condemn the lefty press bias that fills our news with (doctored?) pictures of dead children and car bombs and mass execution of Shiite police recruits -- all purpotedly from some fictional civil war that he claims isn't happening. Just look at the happy Baghdadites, peacefully going about their daily lives. He wrote:

We took this photo of dowtown Baghdad while we were in Iraq. Iraq (including Baghdad) is much more calm and stable than what many people believe it to be. But, each day the news media finds any violence occurring in the country and screams and shouts about it - in part because many journalists are opposed to the U.S. effort to fight terrorism.

The problem is the picture. I don't expect a wingnut like Howard to recognize that the signs are in Turkish, but I would have expected him to notice that there is not a single Arabic letter in the entire scene!

Jeez Louise! The Mandarin is sad to say that we in America get the Congress we deserve. The voters of San Diego deserve better.


UPDATE: Parody is the sincerest form of ridicule - click me.


Photo source: linked page on Josh Marshall's "Talking Points Memo."

Our Constitutional Crisis: Has Shrub even read the dang thing?

President Bush has given Commander-in-Chief Bush unlimited wartime authority. But the "war on terror" is more a metaphor than a fact. Terrorism is a method, not an ideology; terrorists are criminals, not warriors. No peace treaty can possibly bring an end to the fight against far-flung terrorists. The emergency powers of the president during this "war" can now extend indefinitely, at the pleasure of the president and at great threat to the liberties and rights guaranteed us under the Constitution.

...

The presidency possesses no power not granted to it under the Constitution. The powers the current administration seeks in its "war on terror" are not granted under the Constitution. Indeed, they are explicitly prohibited by acts of Congress.

The Mandarin admires writers who can explain a complex issue in simple language. Read the full article, to see why Shrub and Big Dick and the whole neo-Con Mafia must be removed from their posts at the next legal opportunity.

Could their timing have been any better?

The Vatican has begun moves to rehabilitate the Crusaders by sponsoring a conference at the weekend that portrays the Crusades as wars fought with the “noble aim” of regaining the Holy Land for Christianity.

The Crusades are seen by many Muslims as acts of violence that have underpinned Western aggression towards the Arab world ever since. Followers of Osama bin Laden claim to be taking part in a latter-day “jihad against the Jews and Crusaders”.

The late Pope John Paul II sought to achieve Muslim- Christian reconciliation by asking “pardon” for the Crusades during the 2000 Millennium celebrations. But John Paul’s apologies for the past “errors of the Church” — including the Inquisition and anti-Semitism — irritated some Vatican conservatives. According to Vatican insiders, the dissenters included Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, now Pope Benedict XVI. [Click the title above for the full article.]

Well, Ratzinger is Pope now, so the Mandarin guesses he decided that the Crusades need a bit of a PR touch-up. Excellent timing, O snappy dresser.

Clear signs of progress. yep... they're out there somewhere....

Well, it's kinda hard to see them from here, but y'all are just going to have to trust me on this one.

Original photo caption: President Bush shades is eyes from the lights as he takes questions at the City Club in Cleveland, Monday, March 20, 2006. President Bush on Monday cited success in stabilizing an insurgent stronghold in northern Iraq, saying he has 'confidence in our strategy' and critics should look beyond the images of violence to see clear signs of progress. (AP Photo/Mark Duncan)/

As the twig is bent....

Somehow the Mandarin knew an article like this was coming sooner or later.

Yikes! Maybe I should start calling him "President Bush" again....

Click me for a look at which recent California gubernatorial candidate is attending the National Republican Congressional Committee "United to Victory" dinner. Hint: no Austrian accent.

Judge deals what?!

Headline: Judge deals blow in Moussaoui trial

The Mandarin keeps picturing lawyers at the sidebar passing hundreds to the judge.... Then the Mandarin read the article.

The Mandarin would have read it sooner, but he took a detour and didn't want to ask for directions.

Why Ann Telnaes is the Mandarin's favorite cartoonist

Click me to see why.

Reminds the Mandarin of "Mission Accomplished"

Original photo caption: U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney speaks during his keynote address to the U.S. Labor Department's 2006 National Summit on Retirement Savings at the Willard Hotel in Washington March 2, 2006. REUTERS/Larry Downing

Oscar Chinese

The Mandarin was checking out Chinese press reports of the Oscars (don’t ask him why) and he decided to see how the titles of some recent films had been translated into Chinese. It turned out that some Chinese titles were fairly literal, and others less so. Deciphering the names of directors and actors was a challenge, too.

So, without further ado, a selection of films nominated in various Oscar categories, as presented in the Chinese press:

“Broken-back Mountain” 斷背山, directed by Li An and starring Jieke Jilunxi'er and Xisi Laiji'er.

“Penetrating America from One End to the Other” 穿越美國 starring Feilixiti Huofuman. Mandarin’s note: Don’t go there.

“Flowing and Bustling” 川流熙攘 starring Telunsi Huohuade and Andongni Andesen. The song from this film also won the Oscar, but the Mandarin hasn’t been able to find a Chinese version of "Its Hard Out There for a Pimp" yet.

“Good Night, Good Luck” 晚安好運 , directed by Qiaozhi Keluni, starring Keluni and Dawei Siteleizeen. Keluni was also nominated as an actor for the film “Xinruina.”

“I Will Definitely Not Give Way to You” 決不讓步, also called “Wind and Clouds in the North” 北方風雲, starring Chalizi Sailong, Saien Bin, Wudi Haliseng and Fulanxisi Maikedaoman.

“Iron-fisted Male” 鐵拳男人 starring Luosu Keluo, Ruini Qiweige and Baoluo Jiyamati.

“Munihei” 慕尼黑 [Cantonese “Moneihak” = Munich] directed by Shitiwen Sipierboge.

“Press Forward with an Indomitable Spirit” 一往無前, starring Ruixi Weisesipeng and Jiaokuayin Feinikesi.

“Pride and Prejudice” 傲慢與偏見, starring Kaila Naiteli.

“The Never-withering Gardener” 不朽的園丁, also called “Ominous Pursuit Without Borders” 無國界追兇, starring Leiqie'er Weizi and Lai'erfu Feiyinsi.

“A Tale of Cold Blood” 冷血字傳, also just called “Kabote” 卡波特, directed by Beinate Mila and starring Feilipu Saimo'er Huofuman (no relation to Feilixiti Huofuman) and Kaiselin Jina.

and the Oscar went to:

“Automobile Accident” 撞車, directed by Baoluo Hajisi starring Sandela Buluoke, Ruian Feilipu (no relation to Feilipu Saimo'er Huofuman), Tang Qiande'er*, Mate Dilun, Bulandeng Fuleize, and Telunsi Huohuade (that makes two big films this year for Huohuade). Mandarin’s note: The Chinese title is a nice bit of wordplay, because the word 撞 also conveys a sense of “chance meeting” as well as things crashing into each other.

Next Sunday night, with the Oscars out of the way, the Mandarin will have to decide whether to watch "Frenzied Housewives" 瘋狂主婦 on ABC or "Criminal Clan" 黑道家族 on HBO. Decisions, decisions.


* If you got this one, you're probaby a Mandarin yourself. Tang Qiande'er = Don Cheadle.

George Orwell must have predicted this

George Orwell, or as the Mandarin says in Mandarin 喬治歐威爾 Qiaozhi Ouerwei, didn't die in 1950, as you will read in palces like Wikipedia -- he is alive and well and living in China.

The Mandarin recalls back in the 1980s, when he was traipsing the length and breadth of China trying to find a single Chinese entity creditworthy enough to make a loan to them, that one year (in the late 80s?) the central government decided to crack down on extravagant entertainment of local officials by limiting all banquets to five courses (or was it three?). This of course was at a time when many business proposals were approved after undergoing further "study" by the Chinese side. Hint: "study" 研究 sounds a lot like "cigarettes and liquor" 煙酒. Nudge, nudge.

So, shortly after that announcement, the Mandarin was at a bank meeting (where a borrower and their bankers meet to discuss a new loan proposal) in Shenzhen and after the third course (or was it the fifth?) of a long maotai-filled dinner, all the local officials got up stony-faced (especially since it was mid-winter and the snake soup was just coming out of the kitchen) and excused themselves.

Ah, nostalgia. Sometime, the Mandarin will have to describe the public toilets at the Lhasa (Tibet) Airport.

Anyway, imagine the Mandarin's surprise to read this today:

BEIJING (Reuters) - An adviser to the Chinese parliament has urged curbs on civil servants' body weight to aid the fight against corruption.

In a country where people often complain that police officers seem too well fed to catch villains, Miu Shouliang said limiting the weight of officials would stop them spending government money on wining and dining, the Xinhua news agency reported.

Such a measure "should also contribute to regulating their working styles and improving morality," Xinhua said, citing Miu, a businessman from the southern boom town of Shenzhen.

"However, some experts doubted the scientific basis of such a method," Xinhua added.

The proposed measure, which Miu did not detail, might do more than limit waste of public funds. Low-level bribery in China often takes the form of elaborate banquets, which, unlike cash, cannot be traced after being eaten.

Well, the Mandarin wonders if perhaps tiny multi-colored indigestibe plastic balls mixed into the sauces might overcome the "cannot be traced" public funds waste problem....

Anyway, the Mandarin can see it now: the monring weigh-in at the Shenzhen Bureau of the State General Administration for Foreign Exchange Control.

"Next, Comrade You Qianren 有錢人 [Mandarin joke: it means "rich guy"], step on the scales please; we know you were entertained last night at a banquet by the decadent right-wing revisionist running dog capitalist lackeys from Citibank.... Uh oh, up two kilos from last week. Get out the castor oil."

Another caption contest

During his trip to India, Shrub visited an agricultural college in Hyderabad where he received a warm welcome from one of the local celebrities.


Captions might include:

"Condi! Get me a red cape and a sword before this thing gets any closer."

"Dang, why did I put that apple in my pocket this morning."

"Well you don't smell too good yourself, big fella."

Photo source, picture #3.

Hiding in plain sight?

Four and a half years ago, Shrub was warned by Condi (seen here in the background whispering Shrub's lines into her concealed microphone) and the CIA that bin Ladin was going to attack inside the US, which he did soon afterward.

Now, after spending all that time trying to get bin Ladin dead or alive, Shrub is finally "confident" that we are about to find him.

Actually, the Mandarin knows where he is. You can see him behind Shrub, saluting (perhaps his way of giving the finger?) -- check out the tall guy in a military uniform wearing the cheap big nose, mustache and thick glasses dime-store disguise:


Original photo caption: U.S. President George W. Bush, left, walks with his Afghan counterpart Hamid Karzai at the Presidential Palace in Kabul after making a surprise visit to Afghanistan Wednesday, March 1, 2006. Bush said Wednesday he remains confident Osama bin Laden 'will be brought to justice' despite a so-far futile five-year hunt. (AP Photo/Shah Marai, Pool)/